Posted on January 11, 2006 by J. Benjamin Stevens
It is with great pleasure that I give you part one of another "guest post" from noted private investigator and author, Bill Mitchell: "Is Your Spouse Cheating Online?" by Bill Mitchell
It's obvious online affairs are prevalent today, so what can you do? This epidemic is causing the breakup of countless marriages. How do you know if your spouse is violating the marriage vows by carrying out an online affair? Let's look at typical indicators I personally discovered while investigating affairs. If your marriage is in trouble, these clues will help you be the judge.
Caution: These clues are not confirmation of an affair; just feasible indicators for you take into account.
1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time online.
Who doesn't use a computer today? I know a few people. They are excellent for paying bills, staying in touch with family, friends, customers, finding street locations, and a host of other productive endeavors. We can not live without them and shutter when a lighting storm threaten our usage. Just look at kids and their instant messaging. They will go without dinner just to keep in touch with their circle of friends. Try to pull them away, it's no easy task. Does your spouse resemble your kid's magnetism to the computer? Discover why this need is so powerful before it's too late.
2. Passwords, instant message "buddy lists," Internet email accounts, and emails are concealed and even protected from you!
Do you find your spouse needing his "own space" at the computer? Is there a real reluctance when you ask to know his passwords? What's there to hide? These questions all have obvious answers. The act of hiding information is deceptive by nature. Of course, those of us who have worked in "Corporate America" understand the need to protect company secrets. But what legitimate "family secret" are we hiding? Listen, any time a spouse becomes secretive with you, it fulfills a direct need they demonstrate. Why? You are like the judge, referee, or source of authority creating that "sense of accountability" over them. Furthermore, they are breaking matrimonial law if committing adultery. There is, in many courts, a price to pay!
3. Computer use after you retire to bed, when you fall asleep, or in the middle of the night.
Have you been awaken by the absence of your spouse at night and found her or him at the computer? If this behavior becomes a pattern, you certainly need to be concerned. While work demands a sense of commitment and loyalty, working late repeatedly after you have fallen asleep is a little odd.
4. Your partner abruptly shuts off the internet and/or computer when you approach.
This is panic and unexplainable behavior. The rationalization is "when all other contingency plans fail, just shut that thing off and don't get caught." This foolish act is also called a "computer crash" and has the potential of damaging both hardware and software. The loss of files can occur when a computer is cut off abruptly. Many spouses have reported this behavior just prior to hiring us. We consider it a significant indicator of a deviant behavior. Now, bear in mind your spouse may be viewing pornography and fear reprisal. This may explain the need for panic.
5. The computer and monitor are always positioned away from your sight. The study of body language has become useful to many investigators, especially those of us who administer lie-detection examinations. An obvious sign of deception and a common mistake the cheater makes is blocking your view. They need the time to clear a screen, turn off the monitor, or change to another Internet page when threatened with exposure. Intentionally turning the monitor or laptop away from view is an indicator they don't want you to see something. Over time, this act develops into a habit and confers greater freedom from detection. In most instances, having the lead time to hide the truth from you is all they need.
To Be Continued ....
Copyright Bill Mitchell 2005. All rights reserved. William F. (Bill) Mitchell, Jr., Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Mr. Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, FoxNews, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, New York Post, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine.
Mr. Mitchell is the author of two books including Adultery: Facing Its Reality and The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship. Mr. Mitchell is a licensed private investigator in South Carolina. He was formerly licensed in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and District of Columbia. His education includes training by the Department of Defense, Dektor Counterintelligence, New Jersey State Police, and various insurance claims organizations. Mr. Mitchell is a member of National Association of Investigative Specialists, Alliance of Investigators and Security Specialists, Carolina Organized Retail Theft Task Force, and Piedmont Claims Association. Mr. Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, received a B.A. in Psychology from Mt. St. Mary's University. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina with his wife, three daughters, and a son.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
How to Discover an Affair
Posted on December 27, 2005 by J. Benjamin Stevens
Over the past few months, I have gotten to know private investigator extraordinaire Bill Mitchell, who today has the distinct honor of making the first "guest post" on my blog. This post is very insightful, and I hope you will enjoy it. Without any further adieu, here it is:
"DENY, DENY, DENY THE AFFAIR -- Take action and get the bottom of an affair with these Ten Valuable Steps!" by Bill Mitchell.
For almost forty years I've heard this theme played over and over again, like a top 40 hit. As an investigator I heard clients tell this almost everyday. Here's what they tell me? "My husband says he's not seeing someone." But he can't explain exactly where he was last night. Not only that, his clothes seemed of ladies perfume. The golf clubs are clean as a whistle but he claims to have played around with buddies from work.
This is a typical scenario for the private investigator's initial consultation. I'll open a file, ask lots of questions, and notes but all often hear this reoccurring theme. They ask for the truth but never get it. So where does that leave you? Are chasing down dead-ends? What can you do for yourself and not turn up empty handed like my clients?What do they deny?
Where they have been without you. Why they need to be alone. Any details to support their activities. If they are cheating. If they are having sex with someone else. How long they have been in an affair. Any truthful information about their secret life.
So, what can you do to overcome these obstacles?
The first rule I insist upon is: "Stop asking questions."
Why?
It is instinctive behavior to deny the facts, especially when they tell the truth. If you believe you can ask pointed questions of a cheater and receive volumes of incriminating information - forget it. This scenario only happens in fiction novels. The last time I faced a murderer offering to help that would get to him a fair trial, he lied. The last time I conducted a lie detection exam for a suspecting employee in a theft case, he lied to me. The last time I asked an insurance fraud scam artist to confess, he lied.
The second rule is: "Get organized."
You can help yourself by organizing your information. Start with a diary. Using a daily journal is very helpful. Focus on excuses, times, events, days of the week, or any tidbits of information you come across. Include what you heard, saw or discovered each day. This is called "layering".
Third Rule is: "Search for obvious clues."
Places to look are in your records of credit charges, phone bills, gas card charges, check accounts, savings accounts. Too often early discover of an affair slips away because spouse feel like spying is wrong. Adultery is wrong so feel justified if you need to look.
Fourth Rule is: "Track mileage daily."
Our society is driven and so are cheating spouses. They rendezvous. Trips to and from work, church, play or illegitimate activities reveal the length incurred. Take advantage of this simple step. Take the time to record in your daily or another form of record keeping vehicle usage. It's a great short cut!
Fifth Rule is: "Look for Deceptive Behavior."
As a general rule, most cheating spouses exhibit deceptive behavior. They make the simplest tasks same so complicated. A trip to store takes excessive amount of time. No receipt, no proof of purchase, and lots of excuses.
Sixth Rule is: "Remove any weapons from the home."
Emotions never run any hotter than during an affair. Cheating spouses may turn on you like a flash fire. Handguns are the deadliest enemy you could face so hide them.
Seventh Rule is: "Analyze your financial exposure and end the risks."
Cancel credit cards, lines of credit or any form of financial risk you might incur until things settle down. You can notify in writing those institutions you feel might burden you with bills never consented to.
Eighth Rule is: "Act as if nothing is wrong, but encourage counseling."
Just remember counseling will fail if your spouse is dragged there. In fact you might even find this option a pre-destined failure if your spouse is looking for a way to show you how.
Ninth Rule is: “Don't try to stop the affair - look to prove it."
Proof dictates the future in most relationships. When you know all the details, denial anticipated, a cheating spouse is a captive audience. Seek this empowerment wholeheartedly to end the deception. When you have facts your choices are numerous.
Tenth Rule is: "Plan for the worst, but hope for the best!"
Optimism is the best policy to employ given the circumstances. You may be wrong and seemingly obvious affair may have never happened. Be careful to keep a positive attitude or you may compounded the problems in your life.
Copyright Bill Mitchell 2005. All rights reserved.
William F. (Bill) Mitchell, Jr., Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Mr. Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, FoxNews, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, New York Post, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine. Mr. Mitchell is the author of two books including Adultery: Facing Its Reality and The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship.
Mr. Mitchell is a licensed private investigator in South Carolina. He was formerly licensed in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and District of Columbia. His education includes training by the Department of Defense, Dektor Counterintelligence, New Jersey State Police, and various insurance claims organizations. Mr. Mitchell is a member of National Association of Investigative Specialists, Alliance of Investigators and Security Specialists, Carolina Organized Retail Theft Task Force, and Piedmont Claims Association. Mr. Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, received a B.A. in Psychology from Mt. St. Mary's University. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina with his wife, three daughters, and a son.
Over the past few months, I have gotten to know private investigator extraordinaire Bill Mitchell, who today has the distinct honor of making the first "guest post" on my blog. This post is very insightful, and I hope you will enjoy it. Without any further adieu, here it is:
"DENY, DENY, DENY THE AFFAIR -- Take action and get the bottom of an affair with these Ten Valuable Steps!" by Bill Mitchell.
For almost forty years I've heard this theme played over and over again, like a top 40 hit. As an investigator I heard clients tell this almost everyday. Here's what they tell me? "My husband says he's not seeing someone." But he can't explain exactly where he was last night. Not only that, his clothes seemed of ladies perfume. The golf clubs are clean as a whistle but he claims to have played around with buddies from work.
This is a typical scenario for the private investigator's initial consultation. I'll open a file, ask lots of questions, and notes but all often hear this reoccurring theme. They ask for the truth but never get it. So where does that leave you? Are chasing down dead-ends? What can you do for yourself and not turn up empty handed like my clients?What do they deny?
Where they have been without you. Why they need to be alone. Any details to support their activities. If they are cheating. If they are having sex with someone else. How long they have been in an affair. Any truthful information about their secret life.
So, what can you do to overcome these obstacles?
The first rule I insist upon is: "Stop asking questions."
Why?
It is instinctive behavior to deny the facts, especially when they tell the truth. If you believe you can ask pointed questions of a cheater and receive volumes of incriminating information - forget it. This scenario only happens in fiction novels. The last time I faced a murderer offering to help that would get to him a fair trial, he lied. The last time I conducted a lie detection exam for a suspecting employee in a theft case, he lied to me. The last time I asked an insurance fraud scam artist to confess, he lied.
The second rule is: "Get organized."
You can help yourself by organizing your information. Start with a diary. Using a daily journal is very helpful. Focus on excuses, times, events, days of the week, or any tidbits of information you come across. Include what you heard, saw or discovered each day. This is called "layering".
Third Rule is: "Search for obvious clues."
Places to look are in your records of credit charges, phone bills, gas card charges, check accounts, savings accounts. Too often early discover of an affair slips away because spouse feel like spying is wrong. Adultery is wrong so feel justified if you need to look.
Fourth Rule is: "Track mileage daily."
Our society is driven and so are cheating spouses. They rendezvous. Trips to and from work, church, play or illegitimate activities reveal the length incurred. Take advantage of this simple step. Take the time to record in your daily or another form of record keeping vehicle usage. It's a great short cut!
Fifth Rule is: "Look for Deceptive Behavior."
As a general rule, most cheating spouses exhibit deceptive behavior. They make the simplest tasks same so complicated. A trip to store takes excessive amount of time. No receipt, no proof of purchase, and lots of excuses.
Sixth Rule is: "Remove any weapons from the home."
Emotions never run any hotter than during an affair. Cheating spouses may turn on you like a flash fire. Handguns are the deadliest enemy you could face so hide them.
Seventh Rule is: "Analyze your financial exposure and end the risks."
Cancel credit cards, lines of credit or any form of financial risk you might incur until things settle down. You can notify in writing those institutions you feel might burden you with bills never consented to.
Eighth Rule is: "Act as if nothing is wrong, but encourage counseling."
Just remember counseling will fail if your spouse is dragged there. In fact you might even find this option a pre-destined failure if your spouse is looking for a way to show you how.
Ninth Rule is: “Don't try to stop the affair - look to prove it."
Proof dictates the future in most relationships. When you know all the details, denial anticipated, a cheating spouse is a captive audience. Seek this empowerment wholeheartedly to end the deception. When you have facts your choices are numerous.
Tenth Rule is: "Plan for the worst, but hope for the best!"
Optimism is the best policy to employ given the circumstances. You may be wrong and seemingly obvious affair may have never happened. Be careful to keep a positive attitude or you may compounded the problems in your life.
Copyright Bill Mitchell 2005. All rights reserved.
William F. (Bill) Mitchell, Jr., Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Mr. Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, FoxNews, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, New York Post, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine. Mr. Mitchell is the author of two books including Adultery: Facing Its Reality and The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship.
Mr. Mitchell is a licensed private investigator in South Carolina. He was formerly licensed in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and District of Columbia. His education includes training by the Department of Defense, Dektor Counterintelligence, New Jersey State Police, and various insurance claims organizations. Mr. Mitchell is a member of National Association of Investigative Specialists, Alliance of Investigators and Security Specialists, Carolina Organized Retail Theft Task Force, and Piedmont Claims Association. Mr. Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, received a B.A. in Psychology from Mt. St. Mary's University. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina with his wife, three daughters, and a son.
Is Your Spouse Cheating Online? (Part Two)
Today, I am pleased to present the conclusion of yesterday's "guest post" from noted private investigator and author, Bill Mitchell: "Is Your Spouse Cheating Online?"
6. Clears all Internet history after chat sessions and/or usage or installs software to automatically rid this information.
There are times when a computer becomes filled with unwanted files. Computers run faster when less "temporary" files use up valuable "RAM memory." This is prudent maintenance for any computer user. What I am referring to in this sign is the repeated habit of purposefully clearing information from discovery. While this information is retrievable through the science of Computer Forensics, you won't find it readily available. On the market now is software that actually helps the cheater. The actual purpose of this new software tool is to hide any trace of computer internet usage. Do you find this a little suspicious? I do.
7. Exhibits a compulsive need to be online and seems defensive when confronted to stop.
"When are you coming to bed?" "We really need to go, now, what's taking so long?" "Can't you do that later?" Have you asked these types of questions? Teenagers often become "obsessed" with instant messaging. If you have kids who use the computer, you know. They have trouble walking away from the PC. This same desire or need displayed by your spouse is cause for alarm. A compulsive, defensive pattern of behavior shows a strong need to continue. You need to know why.
8. Shares personal information, photos or events with strangers in emails, chatrooms, or while instant messaging.
Setting up a profile for instant messaging is commonplace. Kids love to fill them up and share with friends on the buddy list. I've witnessed spouses who send nude pictures of themselves over the Internet. They share very personal information that should be reserved to the marital home. Maybe it's time to track this information with software that collects this data. Today more courts are allowing emails and computer usage data as evidence. It's advisable to consult an attorney in your state beforehand!
9. Plays online games and frequents "personals" chatrooms.
This is where it starts. Play a few games, win or lose, but then we need to chat. Well, if chatting is fine, why not include your spouse? You can't, so why do it?
10. Exhibits the eight warning signs illustrated in The More You Know--Getting the Evidence and Support You Need to Investigate a Troubled Relationship (available here).Thirty plus years of investigative experience is poured into this new release. It's a "must have" resource guide for every woman's personal library.
Copyright Bill Mitchell 2005. All rights reserved.
William F. (Bill) Mitchell, Jr., Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Mr. Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, FoxNews, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, New York Post, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine. Mr. Mitchell is the author of two books including Adultery: Facing Its Reality and The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship.
Mr. Mitchell is a licensed private investigator in South Carolina. He was formerly licensed in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and District of Columbia. His education includes training by the Department of Defense, Dektor Counterintelligence, New Jersey State Police, and various insurance claims organizations. Mr. Mitchell is a member of National Association of Investigative Specialists, Alliance of Investigators and Security Specialists, Carolina Organized Retail Theft Task Force, and Piedmont Claims Association. Mr. Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, received a B.A. in Psychology from Mt. St. Mary's University. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina with his wife, three daughters, and a son.
6. Clears all Internet history after chat sessions and/or usage or installs software to automatically rid this information.
There are times when a computer becomes filled with unwanted files. Computers run faster when less "temporary" files use up valuable "RAM memory." This is prudent maintenance for any computer user. What I am referring to in this sign is the repeated habit of purposefully clearing information from discovery. While this information is retrievable through the science of Computer Forensics, you won't find it readily available. On the market now is software that actually helps the cheater. The actual purpose of this new software tool is to hide any trace of computer internet usage. Do you find this a little suspicious? I do.
7. Exhibits a compulsive need to be online and seems defensive when confronted to stop.
"When are you coming to bed?" "We really need to go, now, what's taking so long?" "Can't you do that later?" Have you asked these types of questions? Teenagers often become "obsessed" with instant messaging. If you have kids who use the computer, you know. They have trouble walking away from the PC. This same desire or need displayed by your spouse is cause for alarm. A compulsive, defensive pattern of behavior shows a strong need to continue. You need to know why.
8. Shares personal information, photos or events with strangers in emails, chatrooms, or while instant messaging.
Setting up a profile for instant messaging is commonplace. Kids love to fill them up and share with friends on the buddy list. I've witnessed spouses who send nude pictures of themselves over the Internet. They share very personal information that should be reserved to the marital home. Maybe it's time to track this information with software that collects this data. Today more courts are allowing emails and computer usage data as evidence. It's advisable to consult an attorney in your state beforehand!
9. Plays online games and frequents "personals" chatrooms.
This is where it starts. Play a few games, win or lose, but then we need to chat. Well, if chatting is fine, why not include your spouse? You can't, so why do it?
10. Exhibits the eight warning signs illustrated in The More You Know--Getting the Evidence and Support You Need to Investigate a Troubled Relationship (available here).Thirty plus years of investigative experience is poured into this new release. It's a "must have" resource guide for every woman's personal library.
Copyright Bill Mitchell 2005. All rights reserved.
William F. (Bill) Mitchell, Jr., Seven-Day Detective, is an internationally renowned author who is recognized for his practical, solution-based investigative strategies to marriages facing infidelity. As a recognized expert on infidelity and child custody, Mr. Mitchell appears regularly as a guest expert on TV and national talk shows including Dr. Phil, FoxNews, Today Show, and The Early Show. He has been interviewed by numerous publications including Chicago Tribune, Esquire, New York Post, Ladies Home Journal Online, and PI Magazine. Mr. Mitchell is the author of two books including Adultery: Facing Its Reality and The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship.
Mr. Mitchell is a licensed private investigator in South Carolina. He was formerly licensed in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and District of Columbia. His education includes training by the Department of Defense, Dektor Counterintelligence, New Jersey State Police, and various insurance claims organizations. Mr. Mitchell is a member of National Association of Investigative Specialists, Alliance of Investigators and Security Specialists, Carolina Organized Retail Theft Task Force, and Piedmont Claims Association. Mr. Mitchell, Seven-Day Detective, received a B.A. in Psychology from Mt. St. Mary's University. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina with his wife, three daughters, and a son.
Best Private Eye in the Business
Bill Mitchell, son of a FBI agent (GBoy) under J. Edgar Hoover, carries on the professional legacy of his father who owned one of the largest private investigative agencies in America. The business of investigating is a family tradition for the Mitchell's who worked the Greater Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Richmond, Baltimore, MD coast line for decades.
Bill Mitchell hails from Greenville, SC today but spends much of his time across the United States on assignments.
To interview Bill call (800) 785-2425 or email him at billmitchellpi@bellsouth.net.
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